“I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.”

When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.

People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

I’d never hurt another person.

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.

A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.

No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.

When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.

I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.

I know everything because I know nothing.

I don’t know anything about computers.

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

After four years at the United Nations I sometimes yearn for the peace and tranquility of a political convention.

Let’s not forget: This all began when you had eight- and nine-year-old children writing graffiti on walls.

We have a legal system, and this is not something that happens all the time.

Then I tell them: Don’t keep attacking us as you have done for the last years.

We want to have good ties with the Iranians, but if they want good ties with us

In a thousand years we shall all forget The things that trouble us now.

Normally, you have all this knowledge from all the films that you’ve done that you’ve accumulated over the years

I actually had less time and the exact same budget on Hairspray, which was few years ago and this is a much bigger movie [then Rock of Ages]. That’s the way studios do it now.