People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
ADAM CAROLLAI’d never hurt another person.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
ADAM CAROLLA






