Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
ADAM CAROLLAWe’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
ADAM CAROLLA