We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLAEverything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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I’d never hurt another person.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
ADAM CAROLLA