Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
BILL MAHERThe “Power of One” is a slogan – not a goal.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
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To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
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Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
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Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
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I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
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If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
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The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
BILL MAHER






