Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLENI’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
TIM ALLEN






