Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
TIM ALLENI’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
TIM ALLEN