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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.

Tim Allen

In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
TIM ALLEN

Calm Challenge Experience Father Kind Time
I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
TIM ALLEN

Best Choice Combination Myself System Understand
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
TIM ALLEN

Car End Funny Relationship Woman
My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLEN

Death Father Foundation Nature Reminder
I do a lot of family shows.
TIM ALLEN

Family Myself Show
Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLEN

Hands Listening Story
Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
TIM ALLEN

Born Children Deal Myself Thinking Time
I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
TIM ALLEN

Clarify Funny Memories Myself
Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
TIM ALLEN

Direction Flight Plane Reality
Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
TIM ALLEN

Funny Golf Lost Missing Play Sports Yourself
Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
TIM ALLEN

Instruction Man Manufacturer Reality Togetherness
I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
TIM ALLEN

Audience Easy Hurt Myself Time
If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
TIM ALLEN

Control Decision Direction Journey Path Yourself
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
TIM ALLEN

Children Father Fear Irrational Lose Myself
I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
TIM ALLEN

Beginning Comedy Hard Work Hold Stand Thinking
I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
TIM ALLEN

Body Character Man Myself Trap

I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.

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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.

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Popular Authors

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