When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
BILL MAHERWhen opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
BILL MAHERReligion is insanity by consensus.
BILL MAHERJust honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
BILL MAHERTo most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
BILL MAHERSex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
BILL MAHEREverything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
BILL MAHERThe idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
BILL MAHERAgain, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
BILL MAHERIs it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
BILL MAHERThe answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
BILL MAHERAtheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHERIt’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
BILL MAHERWhat is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
BILL MAHERIf you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHERThings aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
BILL MAHERHave you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
BILL MAHER