But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
TIM ALLENMy dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
TIM ALLEN