I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
BILL MAHERI don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
BILL MAHERIf you believe that the world is going to come to an end – and perhaps any day now – does it not drain one’s motivation to improve life on earth while we’re here?
BILL MAHERIn the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
BILL MAHERI feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
BILL MAHERCan we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
BILL MAHERTrusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
BILL MAHERI don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
BILL MAHERReligion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
BILL MAHERIf you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHERIf conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
BILL MAHERThe answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
BILL MAHEREmergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
BILL MAHERIf Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
BILL MAHEREverything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
BILL MAHERThe difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
BILL MAHERI don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
BILL MAHER