Those of us who don’t have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading “Confused.
ANDY ROONEYFamiliar things are a comfort to us all.
More Andy Rooney Quotes
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All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don’t know what they’re talking about.
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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
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Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.
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I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
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My most serious character flaw is that I don’t deny myself much.
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It’s paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
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A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don’t know what they are talking about.
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Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
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I’m always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.
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A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?”. She doesn’t care what you think.
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If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
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Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
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It isn’t working that’s so hard, it’s getting ready to work.
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Conservatives are more religious than liberals–although there is no evidence that they’re nicer people because of it.
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Don’t you hate it when, your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
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I’ve learned that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
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Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
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The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.
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It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.
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If I’d known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can’t remember a single project I would have started.
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Go to bed. Whatever you’re staying up late for isn’t worth it.
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I’ve learned, That love, not time, heals all wounds.
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I’ve learned… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
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One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.
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Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
ANDY ROONEY