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I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.

Tim Allen

Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
TIM ALLEN

Instruction Man Manufacturer Reality Togetherness
Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
TIM ALLEN

Appearance Brilliant Funny Head Shower Weird Woman Yourself
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
TIM ALLEN

Comedy One Liner Ultimate
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
TIM ALLEN

Alive Lawn Maintainence Man Reason
Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
TIM ALLEN

Area Avoid Comment Togetherness Woman
Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
TIM ALLEN

Children Learning Myself Respect
But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
TIM ALLEN

Human Man Separate Vehicle
For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
TIM ALLEN

God Ideas Myself Religion Time
The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
TIM ALLEN

Best Busy Children Ego
I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
TIM ALLEN

Cat Dog Man Myself Person Travel
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
TIM ALLEN

Children Father Fear Irrational Lose Myself
Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
TIM ALLEN

Independent Man Travel
My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLEN

Death Father Foundation Nature Reminder
Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
TIM ALLEN

Hands Path Resistance Yourself
I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
TIM ALLEN

Greatness Learning Myself Student
In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
TIM ALLEN

Compromise Marriage Nurture Relationship

I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.

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I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Tim Allen Quotes