You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHERReligion is detrimental to the progress of society.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
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We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
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Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
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I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
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Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
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We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
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The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
BILL MAHER