“Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.”

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”

I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.

I have a thing for tools.

Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.

Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.

The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.

I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.

If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.

If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.

Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.

My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.

A fault which humbles a person is of more use to him or her than a good action which puffs him or her up.

Constitutions are checks upon the hasty action of the majority. They are the self-imposed restraints of a whole people upon a majority of them to secure sober action and a respect for the rights of the minority.

I would say act like a man of thought and think like a man of action.

It is easy to sit up and take notice, What is difficult is getting up and taking action.

The number one cause of atheism is Christians. Those who proclaim Him with their mouths and deny Him with their actions is what an unbelieving world finds unbelievable.

Where choice begins, Paradise ends, innocence ends, for what is Paradise but the absence of any need to choose this action?

The great aim of education is not knowledge but action.

There is no such crime as a crime of thought; there are only crimes of action.