Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
TIM ALLENMen often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
TIM ALLEN






