“I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.”

I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they’ll panic and give in.

The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.

I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.

Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy.

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.

I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?

You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I’d got out.

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid…and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.

The sunset on the beach, calls to her, opens your aura, and releases the power of peace in the air.

You can meet me at local beach. I am waiting for you so that we can find ourselves together between the beach and Heaven.

Imagine yourself like you’re laying on a beach and everything will work out.

Why see the world, when you got the beach?

California’s beaches are actually super cold don’t be deceived.

I miss the beach.

The total number of stars in the Universe is larger than all the grains of sand on all the beaches of the planet Earth.

Best place to view is from the beach. Excitement guaranteed!