My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know… You break it, you buy it.
EMO PHILIPSI love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don’t even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don’t know what he looks like.
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Computers aren’t intelligent, they only think they are.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.
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If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don’t have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
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Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
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I’m filthy stinking rich – well, two out of three ain’t bad.
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People come up to me… concerned… that I’ll reproduce.
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I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, “I am a bulemic”.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
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Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
EMO PHILIPS