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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.

Bill Maher

I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
BILL MAHER

Communalism Compare Human Hypocrisy Marriage Nature
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
BILL MAHER

Conform Country Need People Talk
To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
BILL MAHER

Click Perspective Reading Religious Software
Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
BILL MAHER

Dance Popular Stardom
The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
BILL MAHER

Goal Power Slogan
If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
BILL MAHER

Against Gay Sexuality Yourself
Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
BILL MAHER

Easy Hairs Herself Home Sex Woman World
What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
BILL MAHER

Believe Love Myself Politics Stupidity
Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
BILL MAHER

Call Celebration Fake Fools Ourselves People
Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
BILL MAHER

Apology Crazy Himself Identity Wrong
I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
BILL MAHER

Dangerous Ideas Sin Yourself
Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
BILL MAHER

Answer Dumb Question Time Wrong
If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
BILL MAHER

Conservative Human Money Myself Profit Universal
I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
BILL MAHER

Police Religious Reminder Understand
Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
BILL MAHER

Game Injustice Rival Sport Unfair Yourself
Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
BILL MAHER

Call Eat Fries Government Home Listening Trust Way

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.

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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.

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