You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHERIdiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
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Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
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We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
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There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
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Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
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The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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Men are only as loyal as their options.
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The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
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Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
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We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
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The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
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Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.
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I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
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I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.
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I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
BILL MAHER