“My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know… You break it, you buy it.”

Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?

When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.

I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?

You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I’d got out.

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid…and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.

I’d be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I’d run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks.

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.

My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.

The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.

When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.

My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.

Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

Although I had the label of being the ‘pretty girl rapper with a lot of followers,’ I just broke the rules.

In the beginning, I took on every opportunity because I was so determined to get my name and music out there. You can get your sleep, but honestly, your brain needs a break, too, and so many people forget that.

Only break the rules baby or whatever Ja said.

I’m normally getting glammed for my events and when I can give my skin a break, I do.

We gotta break these double standards and get women to loosen up a bit. We gotta show them that we can do what we want to do how we want to do it. If someone doesn’t like it, they can get to stepping.

Love knows not its own depth until the hour of desperation.

There is no me without you! Losing you was the catalyst for everything.

Throw your stick and stones, throw your bombs and your blows, but you’re not gonna break my soul.