“Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.”

Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.

Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”

Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.

What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.

Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.

Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.

You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.

I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.

Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.

Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.

If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’

If you believe that the world is going to come to an end – and perhaps any day now – does it not drain one’s motivation to improve life on earth while we’re here?

We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.

The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.

I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.

Every intention sets energy into motion Whether you are conscious of it or not.

It’s crazy because I have a scar on my right eyebrow, but people who don’t know me very well think that I just intentionally shave that part of it.

Nothing defies you more than the intentions in your heart.

When I wrote ‘Marvin Gaye,’ my whole intention was to make a record that people would put on a record player… and just instantly make out with each other.

Simply existing is not your only option. You can choose to intentionally live.

Speak the truth. Affirm your desire. Declare your intentions. Recall your successes. Your psyche will believe you. Your body will feel you. Your Soul will thank you for the straight-up communication.

I’m a big fan of intention. That’s because I have learned first-hand the power of setting my intention on my goal and making all decisions based off of that intention.

Our true character and intentions will always be revealed!