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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

Ambrose Bierce

Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Blessing Exception Leaving Money
LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Body Life Missing Spiritual
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Degree Independence Intellectual
April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Add Fools Funny Himself Time
Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Brain Fear Idiot One Liner
Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Body Decay Life Selfish
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Happiness Temptation Weakness
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE

God Man One Liner Reason Sleep
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Belief Body History Invention Original People True
There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Instrument Worst
PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Body Fortune Goodness Purity Uncomfortable
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Concession Demand Resort
Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Drive Slave Substitute
Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Harm Patient Prescription Situation
Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Breathe Conversation Listening Vocal
War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
AMBROSE BIERCE

God Place Teaching War

Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

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Popular Authors

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