April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
AMBROSE BIERCECoward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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