Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
AMBROSE BIERCEApril fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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