“There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.”

Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.