He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
AMBROSE BIERCEThere is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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