We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
LILY TOMLINWe don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
LILY TOMLINIf trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.
LILY TOMLINInfinity is just time on an ego trip.
LILY TOMLINThe best mind-altering drug is the truth.
LILY TOMLINDid you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
LILY TOMLINGrowing up in Michigan was fine, until I realized where I was.
LILY TOMLINIt’s a more ridiculing, divisive humor today.
LILY TOMLINLanguage was invented because of the deep human need to complain.
LILY TOMLINWhy is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
LILY TOMLINDon’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
LILY TOMLINWe have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
LILY TOMLINIf love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
LILY TOMLINLady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.
LILY TOMLINIf I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less.
LILY TOMLINNinety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
LILY TOMLINI personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
LILY TOMLIN