What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
LILY TOMLINIf evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn’t want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you.
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There’s so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
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Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
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Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.
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The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
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When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!
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We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles.
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Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain.
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I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
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Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use.
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Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.
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I still believe that sex is dirty. It’s just that now I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.
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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
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When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.”
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I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
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If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.
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Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
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I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
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There’s nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, ‘I didn’t do it right’.
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Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
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I guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war.
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The road to success is always under construction.
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I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
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The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.
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What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.
LILY TOMLIN