Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest – then we can all die laughing.
LILY TOMLINI can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone
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There’s nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, ‘I didn’t do it right’.
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If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
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I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
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What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
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Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
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When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.”
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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
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When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!
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But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.
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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
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We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
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You can’t expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it’s a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.
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Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
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I try to be cynical, but it’s so hard to keep up.
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Growing up in Michigan was fine, until I realized where I was.
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You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.
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I worry about kids today – because of the sexual revolution, they’re going to grow up and never know what “dirty” means.
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Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
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Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
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Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
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People hire me to create some kind of archetype or some culture type, or something. I guess they accept whatever I come up with.
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I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
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No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.
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Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
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If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up?
LILY TOMLIN