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Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

Lily Tomlin

There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.
LILY TOMLIN

Death Feeling Sex
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
LILY TOMLIN

Hard Time Struggle Worst
Infinity is just time on an ego trip.
LILY TOMLIN

Ego Infinity One Liner Time Trip
You are what you think, geez, that’s frightening.
LILY TOMLIN

Fear Thinking Yourself
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
LILY TOMLIN

Career Important Myself Regret
If you can’t be direct, why be?
LILY TOMLIN

Direct Yourself
We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
LILY TOMLIN

Care Company Phone
Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
LILY TOMLIN

Feeling Imagination Myself
I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.
LILY TOMLIN

Animal Eat Food Funny Myself
Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain.
LILY TOMLIN

Complain Human Invention Language
Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
LILY TOMLIN

Form Intelligence Life Universe Yourself
You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.
LILY TOMLIN

Funny Hard Interest Talk Yourself
Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
LILY TOMLIN

Deep God Hypocrisy Prayer Talk
Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use.
LILY TOMLIN

Creation Expression Type Way
What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
LILY TOMLIN

Boredom Hide Reveal Worst
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
LILY TOMLIN

Believe Freedom Hands Man Reason Sex Walk

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

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Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Lily Tomlin Quotes