How many people have never raised their hand before?
STEVE MARTINI started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
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Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
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I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
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I love money. I love everything about it.
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When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.
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Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true.
STEVE MARTIN