They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
NORM MACDONALDWith the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
NORM MACDONALD -
In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
NORM MACDONALD -
The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
NORM MACDONALD -
Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
NORM MACDONALD -
I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
NORM MACDONALD -
I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
NORM MACDONALD -
Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
NORM MACDONALD -
A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
NORM MACDONALD -
There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
NORM MACDONALD -
This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
NORM MACDONALD






