Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHTLast night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHT