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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.

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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bacteria Culture People
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Act Attitude Head Herself Live Scare Yourself
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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Funny Herself Myself Night Time Walk
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Forget Funny Myself
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Difference Ideas Person Research Steal
$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Mathematics People Trouble
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Money Thinking Worth Yourself
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Forest Funny Himself Man Nature Woman Wrong
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Break Up Imagination Myself Relationship
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Friendship Gift Myself Sex
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Forget Myself Right Thinking Time
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Company Game Myself Thinking Wrong
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Memories Photograph Yourself
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bed Funny Hell Home Myself Nature Night Stars Wonder
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Lost Myself Place Thinking
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Funny Herself Laughter Milk

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