Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT