Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
STEVE MARTINYou can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
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I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
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Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
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Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.
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All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
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I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
STEVE MARTIN