When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHTAlways remember your unique, just like everyone else.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Clones are people two.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Half the people you know are below average.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHT