How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
STEVEN WRIGHTAlways remember your unique, just like everyone else.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHT