Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
STEVEN WRIGHTI almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Clones are people two.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHT