I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHTI almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHT