I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHTI almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Clones are people two.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHT