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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

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Break Up Imagination Myself Relationship

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appearance Imagination Phone Weird Yourself
Clones are people two.
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One Liner People
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Book Funny Myself Writing
$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Funny Mathematics People Trouble
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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Angry Install Light Live Myself People
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Car Funny Yourself
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Idiot Ocean Stand Wait
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Fantasy Himself Stop Weapon
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Funny Literature Word
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Flight Leaving One Liner Yourself
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Deep Funny Live Nature Ocean
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Alcohol Myself Photograph Thinking Woman
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Conscience Funny Sleep Time
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Animal Flavor Food Funny
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Funny Goodness Myself Oneself Worth
My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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Better Doctor Myself Pay Right Work Yourself

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