If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHTI almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT