Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
STEVE MARTINI’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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I love money. I love everything about it.
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Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
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Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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Be so good they can’t ignore you.
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Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
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It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.
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Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
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I have found that– just as in real life–imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.
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All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
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Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.
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Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
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I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
STEVE MARTIN