When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECKIf you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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He who laughs lasts.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECK







