My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
ERMA BOMBECKIf you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Success is outliving your failures.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
ERMA BOMBECK