The only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.
DOROTHY PARKERAnd I’ll stay off Verlaine too; he was always chasing Rimbauds.
More Dorothy Parker Quotes
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He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.
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If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.
DOROTHY PARKER -
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.
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Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
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If I didn’t care for fun and such, I’d probably amount to much. But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.
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The writer’s way is rough and lonely, and who would choose it while there are vacancies in more gracious professions, such as, say, cleaning out ferryboats?
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If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.
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Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.
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Of Orson Welles: It’s like meeting God without dying.
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There’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.
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All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.
DOROTHY PARKER -
A girl’s best friend is her mutter.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I’m under the table/After four I’m under my host.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.
DOROTHY PARKER -
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
DOROTHY PARKER -
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
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Ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
DOROTHY PARKER -
The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.
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If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me.
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I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it’s so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.
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If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.
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I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
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And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.
DOROTHY PARKER