“The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.”

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!

Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.

Where unwilling dies the rose; buds the new another year.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.

Should they whisper false of you, Never trouble to deny; Should the words they say be true, Weep and storm and say they lie.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.

I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.

The only “ism” Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

I can’t write five words but that I change seven.

A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I’m under the table/After four I’m under my host.

When I broke into professional hockey at 17 I was told that I was too small and too slow and I wouldn’t make the NHL. Now it’s kind of flip-flopped and the sense is I can’t be a good coach because I was a great athlete.

After traveling through fourteen foreign countries and appearing before all the royalty and nobility I have only one wish today. That is that when my eyes are closed in death that they will bury me back in that quiet little farm land where I was born.

It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.

It’s hard not to be sexy in a pair of high heels.

It was my effort, in depicting the West, to depict it as it was.

Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.

Whatever is underneath all the drag, it actually doesn’t really matter. It kind of just matters, are you a great entertainer? And are you nice to work with? Are you good at your job?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?