Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
JOAN RIVERSI said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
JOAN RIVERS -
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERS -
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
JOAN RIVERS -
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
JOAN RIVERS -
Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
JOAN RIVERS