We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
JOAN RIVERSI said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
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I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
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When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Better laid than never.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
JOAN RIVERS






