If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
ERMA BOMBECKHousework can kill you if done right.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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He who laughs lasts.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
ERMA BOMBECK