With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
JOAN RIVERSBetter laid than never.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
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Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
JOAN RIVERS