“Better laid than never.”

I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’

To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.

One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.

With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.

We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon.

I breathe better now. I thought I wouldn’t or couldn’t. But I was wrong. Isn’t that how it is with these things.

It will feel better when it quits hurting.

You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can.

Better do a good deed near at home than go far away to burn incense.

Fantasy love is much better than Reality Love.

Filthy language is used by people who don’t have the maturity or intelligence to express themselves with better words.

After a life time of being tempted by doubts, I must tell you, it feels far better to be wooed by hope.