A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
ERMA BOMBECKHousework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECK