“I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.””

There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.

You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.

Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.

Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.

When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.

Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.

Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.

In times of speed dating, focus on real connections and wild soulful sex.

Be the kind of person you want to date.

After a number of years dating, we decided we were good partners.

People think Selena and The Weeknd are dating for publicity, and that’s not how things works. These are real human beings. They don’t just date to get more famous. They’re already the most famous artists!

Working with new people can be really hard and nerve-wracking. When you don’t know the person, it’s like being on a blind date.

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.

Celebration went after music. And music wanted to date pain. But pain fell in love with lyrics.

Dating is cool but have you ever date yourself?