The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECKWhen humor goes, there goes civilization.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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Children make your life important.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
ERMA BOMBECK