black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

Joan Rivers

Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
JOAN RIVERS

Adventure Excitement Laughter Moments Travel Worst Yourself
If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
JOAN RIVERS

Deal Laugh Yourself
The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
JOAN RIVERS

Act Listening Rule Survive Thinking Yourself
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
JOAN RIVERS

Believe Fashion Myself Respect Woman
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
JOAN RIVERS

Appearance Funny Myself
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
JOAN RIVERS

Negative Perspective Thinking Train
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
JOAN RIVERS

Enjoyment Fast Funny Life
Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
JOAN RIVERS

Enough Thankful Yourself
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
JOAN RIVERS

Age Breathe Funny Happiness Inspiration One Liner
Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Love Man Woman
If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
JOAN RIVERS

Believe Greatness Marriage People Scare
Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
JOAN RIVERS

Appearance Body Fat Food Medicine
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
JOAN RIVERS

Acceptance Funny Luck Old Oneself
I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
JOAN RIVERS

Black Friendship Himself Myself Possible Race
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
JOAN RIVERS

Children Early Memories Myself Parents
I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.
JOAN RIVERS

Body Husband Marriage Myself Naked Night Sex

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

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Popular Authors

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