We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
JOAN RIVERSBefore we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERS -
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
JOAN RIVERS