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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

Joan Rivers

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Fashion Feeling Funny Gift Memories Old Yourself
I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
JOAN RIVERS

Myself Oneself Thankful
I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Food Myself
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
JOAN RIVERS

Children Funny Myself Toys
Old age is always ten years more than we are.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Old Reality
Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
JOAN RIVERS

End Happiness Life Movie Stars Yourself
The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
JOAN RIVERS

Hairs Myself See Time
My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
JOAN RIVERS

Children Guilty Herself Humor Letter Mother Myself People Sorry
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERS

Body Memories Myself Women
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
JOAN RIVERS

Cry Different Funeral Myself Sound
You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
JOAN RIVERS

Deep Inspirational Kill Time Yourself
When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
JOAN RIVERS

Couple Freedom Marriage Time Yourself
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
JOAN RIVERS

Bond Daughter Family Mom Myself Relationship Talk Yourself
We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
JOAN RIVERS

Death Food Funny Greatness Myself
Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.
JOAN RIVERS

Goodness Hands Library Look Men Woman
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Happiness Key Life Money People

Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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