“Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.”

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’

You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.

I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.

Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”

My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.

If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.

Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.

I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.

Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

I enjoyed the position I was in as a tennis player. I was to blame when I lost. I was to blame when I won. And I really like that, because I played soccer a lot too, and I couldn’t stand it when I had to blame it on the goalkeeper.

I’m not one to blame anyone else for anything. And I don’t think anyone else should either.

This is the first lesson to learn: be determined not to curse anything outside, not to lay the blame upon anyone outside, but stand up, lay the blame on yourself. You will find that is always true. Get hold of yourself.

Blame nobody else, do not commit the mistake of the ignorant.

Societies need to have one illness which becomes identified with evil, and attaches blame to its victims.

If you realize that you’re the problem, then you can change yourself, learn something and grow wiser. Don’t blame other people for your problems.

Whenever anything went wrong at home, because I was the only boy, I would get blamed for it straight away. Girls stick together.

Don’t blame life for what you do. That is so selfish and ignorant on your behalf.