“Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.”

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.

Better laid than never.

We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.

Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.

In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.

A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.

I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.

I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.

Old age is always ten years more than we are.

Happiness, at my age, is breathing

There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.

You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

But if there’s love, dear – those are the ties that bind, and you’ll have a family in your heart, forever.

I don’t believe in aging. I believe in forever altering one’s aspect to the sun.

When I fall in love, it will be forever.

Yesterday is gone forever. Make the most of today and tomorrow if you wish to make up for lost time.

If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever.

I think it’s the books that you read when you’re young that live with you forever.

Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realise that nothing really belongs to them.

Good bye may seem forever. Farewell is like the end, but in my heart is the memory and there you will always be.