Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
JOAN RIVERSLife goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
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Old age is always ten years more than we are.
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Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
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Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
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If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
JOAN RIVERS






