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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

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