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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

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