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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields

I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

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