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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields

I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

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